Last night
Oct. 15th, 2014 06:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chocolatepotI didn't even get into the other things! I'm freaking out about this Met thing because my sewing skills, you know, I can make you a lovely row of buttonholes but when it comes to putting a whole dress together ... not so much. I get frustrated and bored and it never comes out looking like it should. Even when I use a large pattern, I get roughly the same results as a scaled-up one (so there, mom). I'm not worried people are going to be judging me and making remarks, I'm just tired of letting myself down all the time when it comes to this sort of thing.
Tomorrow I'm scheduled to train a 5-10am baking shift, and I told them I didn't want to do it, and it feels extra frustrating because I told them. If they just scheduled me I'd still be a nervous wreck because I know I'm going to make mistakes and the AM (who is training me) always acts like running out of something on the floor is a national catastrophe, but having been asked and then my wishes overridden just feels so disrespectful that the idea of working here for another two or three months is painful. And that feels so overwrought that I'm just angry with myself.
I still haven't done my student loan payment this month because I was hoping to take it out of the advance as my net income this month doesn't cover it. It's not that I can't pay it without the advance, but I'm trying to stop taking money out of my savings so much like I said. And I owe some other things, including another payment to my fashion-plate-researcher in NYC. I gave the publisher all the info to wire me the money but so far I think they haven't.
When I feel bad like this I generally work on my blog to relax, but then I get more stressed because a) I have several other things I need to do like finish the dress and work on my book and b) the whole thing about shooting myself in the foot with the blog from last night, like great it relaxes me but every post just makes me look less employable.
Tomorrow I'm scheduled to train a 5-10am baking shift, and I told them I didn't want to do it, and it feels extra frustrating because I told them. If they just scheduled me I'd still be a nervous wreck because I know I'm going to make mistakes and the AM (who is training me) always acts like running out of something on the floor is a national catastrophe, but having been asked and then my wishes overridden just feels so disrespectful that the idea of working here for another two or three months is painful. And that feels so overwrought that I'm just angry with myself.
I still haven't done my student loan payment this month because I was hoping to take it out of the advance as my net income this month doesn't cover it. It's not that I can't pay it without the advance, but I'm trying to stop taking money out of my savings so much like I said. And I owe some other things, including another payment to my fashion-plate-researcher in NYC. I gave the publisher all the info to wire me the money but so far I think they haven't.
When I feel bad like this I generally work on my blog to relax, but then I get more stressed because a) I have several other things I need to do like finish the dress and work on my book and b) the whole thing about shooting myself in the foot with the blog from last night, like great it relaxes me but every post just makes me look less employable.
