Since Mother Eve in the Garden long ago

Work last night was awful. First of all, having to wash my hands every time I blew my nose took up a BUNCH of time so I didn't get to do everything I meant to get to. Then I had a massive (like almost to the point of nausea) headache from my sinuses combined with my sleep debt - I'd had three nights on cold medicine where for some reason I woke up every few hours, I don't understand it because normally nighttime cold medicine knocks me right out. And I found out about not getting the Drexel job when I was on my dinner break.

( there are some definite grammatical issues in this and I'm not fixing them )

Probably more to come later. I didn't sleep well last night either and I just feel drained, although I did just get a very encouraging email from Batsford. This is an awful decision that I always worried about having to make but always thought something would work out before it happened ... but this year it's been repeatedly brought home to me that my perseverance and talents and experience are just not enough, even when I have personal connections. I'm not going to find a job I'm more suited for than this one, and if it's paid experience that's the issue that's literally never going to improve because I can't get more experience without a job. The sunk-cost fallacy is a fallacy, and it's time to admit that I've sunk way too much into this.

Getting responses to my Outlander posts! Fun.

I thought my hair was finishing up the transition phase, but today it's pretty greasy again. This may be partly because my brush is kind of dirty; I tried soaking it in diluted vinegar yesterday, but it doesn't seem to have done very much. I've tried googling for information and can't find a lot.

No work or volunteering today! I'm doing email stuff that I've been putting off and watching TDS before my phone interview at ten. Trying not to think about that right now, after the mess that was my last one plus my desperation to get out of my job I'm just really jittery about it.

Last night I finished reading Black Mischief (Evelyn Waugh). It was super racist, and the ending was super bleak. ( Because ... )

How cool would it be to be a curator in a Rockefeller mansion? I mean I know it's a huge reach, but wouldn't it be cool? ... AND THE CYCLE BEGINS AGAIN

From now on I'm going to post more original tweets. And use more hashtags. I have a probably unfounded idea that if I can be more active on Twitter and get more followers, I will get hired. This is probably not the reason I'm not working but hope springs eternal.

Job has progressed, as non-museum jobs always do, from "training, everything comes easily, praise, appearance of strong competency" into "expected to know aspects of job wasn't trained for, anxiety and confusion run amok." Pretty sure every workday that follows will be the same.

Trying to write blog post. It's not going smoothly.

I decided to treat myself with very, very marked-down Sims expansions on Origin - Ambitions, which I've always been curious about, and Roaring Heights, which is a TOTALLY ART DECO-THEMED WORLD, and all the family descriptions are super early-'30s, and there's new hair and clothes and furniture and patterns and buildings, and it is seriously amazing. But last night when I played it was all a bit frustrating, which I think is because I aimed too high and decided to try out one of the new professions while in Roaring Heights. Too much, too much! Roaring Heights is all about story and Ambitions is all about gameplay. But it's sad that a lot of the 1930s-themed appliances and such are actually the crappy ones, and they'll have to be replaced with things that look more modern.

Another research assistant position in the Costume Institute ... found it through MuseWeekly, I'm going to go for it, but my hopes are extremely conflicted. I'd love to get it but it's a position that ends next summer, so how to deal with leases and such? And I feel like it's pointless to try, given my last two attempts. But I can't just not try either. So anyway, that's today's business - that application and the other six I found.

ETA: Damn, I just remembered the really bad thing. This project runs chronologically. By now they're probably around the turn of the 19th century. And they already know there that I'm only good to about the 1950s-60s. ~futility of life~

In order to get out more and maybe get more experience, I've started volunteering with the Gill Room, which is the library's archive and also kind of the local historical society - the place is mainly old newspapers and genealogy. I was hoping they'd have some complicated project that needs doing, but instead I'm photocopying articles from the local paper within the last few years on significant subjects to be put in binders, which is absolutely a ridiculous thing to be doing archivally in this day and age, but whatever. It's something to do. The only thing is I'm really self-conscious about working when other people are down there, so I'll probably go this afternoon and use Mom's key to get in.

My wrist is absolutely killing me lately. I'm supposed to get a pertussis shot to be allowed to be near my future nephew, so I guess I'll make a doctor's appointment for that and bring it up when I'm there. Once I finish this cap, I might take all of my sewn stuff down from Etsy. Don't know if I'll be able to finish that Civil War dress for the reenactment in Delhi in July. (It's probably going to be really hot anyway.)

Working on a post on Pingat, and then maybe one on Redfern? I'd like to do more Victorian and Edwardian stuff on my blog, to show employers that I'm not just focused on the 18th century. And maybe some decorative arts history? Oh, I could do a Charles Rennie Mackintosh post for the Glasgow School of Art.

I haven't applied to any jobs in the last couple of days, but I feel really good about some of them from earlier this week. One in particular I feel like may not get many other applicants, always a boon for me. Fingers crossed.

Bought a wrist brace and I love it! Maybe this will solve all my problems.

Met says no. :( Met also says they're sending out rejection letters, which I have a hard time believing, but whatevs.

Patterned today the 1872 wedding dress, a late '20s day dress I almost want to make (it's a sack, though), and an early 1860s dress with a double-pointed bodice. And now I think I'm done, because I need to redraw all of them to be more organized and in pen and to write directions. I want to keep going, there are dresses I'd like a pattern of, but I'd like to finish this while I'm still being paid for it and can make sure the embed code gets into the files.

Mom accidentally killed a bird in the wood stove today. :( I'm glad I wasn't there, it sounds like it was pretty awful.

Last night I preordered my Renoirs. In a way, it was empowering? I feel like I could buy a pair of the Regency boots sometime.

( caps )

Miriam suggested I apply for this costume & textile curator position in Virginia: she thinks the salary is so low that none of the people who are really qualified for it will apply and I'll have a shot. I don't know (I was once put in the B group of applicants for a curatorial assistant job in Rotterdam Junction because the A group was all PhDs), but I've started the sample exhibition proposal for it. Although it's very hard, because it's supposed to be about the history of Richmond through clothing and I know nothing about Richmond. There is a part of me that thinks this is way too much effort to go to for a position I don't really have a hope of even getting an interview for. I don't know, we shall see.

(I use the joblessness tag for job-getting stuff, but when I do have a job it seems a bit weird.)

I found my fabric! The ~$150 worth of fabric I bought before leaving New York! It was in a box in the basement, yay! The box also had all the patterns that I've been unable to find. So moving has been good in one way.

I've started parting my hair further to the left, and letting the right side hang a bit more over my forehead. Olivia Pope and Lady Mary Crawley both do it and you hardly notice how high their foreheads are.

Got a call from the new temp agency! The clerical job they want to put me in for sounds perfect - filing and such, not much phone work - but it's the kind of thing where the company wants to select the resumes and interview you themselves. So the agency will give them my resume but there's no guarantee I'll get an interview.

I should be working on my dress for Julie's party, but I don't want to buy the fabric until I have a job or something like that ... I should get out some scrap fabric and work on fitting the bodice.

While sorting things downstairs, I decided that I would take some of my beloved YA/fantasy to the book sale. The stuff that I know I can get again - the Dealing with Dragons quartet, Circle of Magic, Mercedes Lackey ... I tried to give the first two there to Bella, but she isn't a reader and didn't want them. The trouble with taking things to the sale, though, is that I work on it and know that they're likely to end up recycled. :/ I did keep Protector of the Small, because three of them have Happy Birthday inscriptions to me, and all the Acorna and Pern books BECAUSE. (I don't actually have very many of them, so.)

Started to apply to a couple of jobs, but stopped because the first appears to have been taken down/filled (it's not on the site anymore, anyway), and the second is requesting seven years of experience. Ugh. Winterthur sent me a rejection letter pretty quick, too.

I bit the shit out of my upper lip today while eating apple slices at lunch. So hard it was actually numb for at least fifteen minutes. Now it just hurts.

So I had an interview with a bigger temp agency down in Albany. It went well, I was personable, I got to take tests (\o/ worst thing about having graduated is there are no more tests in my life) and aced them. I painted my nails "spun sugar" for it, it's my professional color and it's expensive so it goes on very nicely. And I got a call from I think HVCC (or Sage?) asking to set up an interview for a records clerk position.

Apart from that this week, I did take pictures off my camera but failed to do anything with them, and I've written 6k words of drawerfic while watching Whitechapel, because apparently the only thing that gets me into the right mindset for this story is Whitechapel. Speaking of which, is anyone else psyched that it looks like Chandler/Kent is going to be canon? In my rewatch I've been looking for stuff between them and there definitely is something. I think it's mainly that they're the Sensitive Ones of the team, though, so they share moments of feeling sad that the others don't.

The cinematography/lighting has gotten gradually darker over the course of the show, too, which is interesting. And the office has gotten so much cruddier and grimier.

I know I should have a heavy heart over not going in to work anymore, but most of me is really just going, "I don't have to get up at six tomorrow, bitches."