Since Mother Eve in the Garden long ago

Okay, um. I suppose now I can claim a lot of cred because I have seen all of the following arguments:
- If you ship slash, you are disgusting and perverting the text and the obviously straight characters.
- If you don't ship slash, you are boring and unimaginative.
- If you don't ship slash, you are homophobic and ignoring the obvious subtext.
- If you ship slash, you are disgusted by women and hate all female characters (and yourself).
- If you ship slash, you are fetishizing gay men and are terrible.
- If you ship femslash, you are actually a liar because you don't. You only pretend to in order to look good.

WHY GOD WHY. How does anyone even have energy for this anymore?

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Trying to write a Museum-L response. So stressful! Everyone's going to see it and not want to hire me, ever.