It was pretty meh
Sep. 12th, 2013 07:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chocolatepotSo, yesterday was nice, but not one of my happiest birthdays. The whole thing was overshadowed by this general melancholy I've had hanging over me for a bit, due to the whole unemployment thing. In the morning I actually cried over a slightly mocking anonmeme comment, it was ridiculous. For lunch, Mom took me to Hattie's and that was nice; then we went to the mall and got me a new shirt and a new pair of dressy pinstriped pants. Went home and hung out kind of gloomily, then Dad came home from work and made dinner. And it was nice to have someone else make dinner, but it wasn't anything, you know, special. And his present (from Melissa as well) was a voucher for them to pay for a hotel stay if I need to travel somewhere for an interview. He did take me for ice cream after dinner (at my suggestion), but then when we came back it was time for round 45652 of badgering me about applying for jobs.
"You don't really want these admin jobs you apply for, though, do you?"
"Well, no, but I have to keep applying [because when I don't you get testy] while I try to get a job I want."
"And that is?"
"[Are you stupid?] In a museum."
"At some point do you think you're going to stop trying?"
WHAT DO YOU WANT. No, I'm not going to stop trying because the alternative is not wanting anything at all. I suppose there are other things I'm capable of doing, but I'm not going to just drop everything I've been working for for years just because I've gone ~6 months without having a job in the field.
He doesn't grasp what it feels like to have a career path you feel a real calling for, or to have to work to get on it. Because he enjoys doing the appraising and surveying but I don't think he cares that much about it, and he's had the fucking easiest career path I have heard of bar rich kids who automatically get jobs in their parents' businesses.
He did make me a bit less worried about being omguninsured, which is good, but of course when I say that in October I should be able to be on Medicaid he acts like I'm being an idiot because I should want to have a job with benefits instead, like I don't want a job with benefits. How dare I make the best of a bad situation.
AND THIS IS ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Anyway, apart from all this I was just a bit glum about not getting any presents to unwrap. There's something about unwrapping a present that feels like something. I think Melissa would have gotten me a book but for some reason she thought everything in my WishList had been bought. I don't know, I feel very selfish but at the same time very ill-used.
Well, my new pants are awesome! I love them. And they were part of a set so I could go back and get the matching blazer and have a suit if I got a good interview. And there's a pencil skirt as well.
ETA: Okay, there were funny bits as well. Dad showed the house to a woman named Tracy Jordan (we didn't say anything), and I tried on a bathing suit top that was a 34C because Mom believed it would fit. She then claimed that girls at school look like that so it was probably meant to fit that way. Hahahahaokay.
I do really like my stays. I get a bit of waist reduction but also a bit of bust reduction, oh well. Just need to bind the tabs, which is of course a huge pain but once it's done it will be done.
Tomorrow I am for real going to put that fabric on eBay, I am going to do it for real.
"You don't really want these admin jobs you apply for, though, do you?"
"Well, no, but I have to keep applying [because when I don't you get testy] while I try to get a job I want."
"And that is?"
"[Are you stupid?] In a museum."
"At some point do you think you're going to stop trying?"
WHAT DO YOU WANT. No, I'm not going to stop trying because the alternative is not wanting anything at all. I suppose there are other things I'm capable of doing, but I'm not going to just drop everything I've been working for for years just because I've gone ~6 months without having a job in the field.
He doesn't grasp what it feels like to have a career path you feel a real calling for, or to have to work to get on it. Because he enjoys doing the appraising and surveying but I don't think he cares that much about it, and he's had the fucking easiest career path I have heard of bar rich kids who automatically get jobs in their parents' businesses.
He did make me a bit less worried about being omguninsured, which is good, but of course when I say that in October I should be able to be on Medicaid he acts like I'm being an idiot because I should want to have a job with benefits instead, like I don't want a job with benefits. How dare I make the best of a bad situation.
AND THIS IS ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Anyway, apart from all this I was just a bit glum about not getting any presents to unwrap. There's something about unwrapping a present that feels like something. I think Melissa would have gotten me a book but for some reason she thought everything in my WishList had been bought. I don't know, I feel very selfish but at the same time very ill-used.
Well, my new pants are awesome! I love them. And they were part of a set so I could go back and get the matching blazer and have a suit if I got a good interview. And there's a pencil skirt as well.
ETA: Okay, there were funny bits as well. Dad showed the house to a woman named Tracy Jordan (we didn't say anything), and I tried on a bathing suit top that was a 34C because Mom believed it would fit. She then claimed that girls at school look like that so it was probably meant to fit that way. Hahahahaokay.
I do really like my stays. I get a bit of waist reduction but also a bit of bust reduction, oh well. Just need to bind the tabs, which is of course a huge pain but once it's done it will be done.
Tomorrow I am for real going to put that fabric on eBay, I am going to do it for real.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-13 04:21 pm (UTC)And I'm sorry you didn't have an awesome birthday. That conversation with your dad -- ugh. Also the "present" -- double ugh. He is so much exactly like my dad about this subject it's almost funny. I would guess what he wants is to nag you and feel superior, and even if you become the fashion curator at the Met, he will still find something to pick at you about. But projecting my own issues with my own father here.
You're doing great with your calling from where I'm sitting, and at a very young age too. You'll get there, even if you have to create "there" because no one else has thought of it before.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-13 10:54 pm (UTC)He probably would. I'm sure I'll eventually be grateful for the gift, it's just that ... well, am I going to use it? Do I just not get a present this year because I'm not getting any interviews? My grandfather didn't send me anything, but I don't expect him to because he hasn't since I was 18 or 19. (He's a pretty terrible person, so I don't really care.)
Thank you!