You didn't see that, did you?

[chocolatepot]

I was really insecure a few hours ago, and you may note that a post is gone. Or, hopefully, you never saw it in the first place. Very embarrassing. (I actually removed yesterday's not long after I posted that as well, because it wasn't very nice.) I'm always moderately insecure and have a hard time judging whether a disagreeable interaction is a) me being set down as I deserve or b) me being unfairly attacked. Sometimes this uncertainty makes me paranoid and horrible. Then whenever I post about it the uncertainty gets worse and I become convinced that everyone hates me for posting about my insecurity. It's a wild ride.



H*ck. But I've been working on a new blog post and it's cheered me up and given me confidence to no end. It even makes me think (whisper) that I might be good enough to have gotten the Albany job after all (/whisper).

I purchased a digital copy of a 1950s booklet on petticoat making, and I think it was a very good purchase. Dad thinks there is a bolt of tulle left over from his wedding - we strewed it everywhere - and hopefully it really exists and Owen will bring it to Binghamton for Mother's Day and then I can make petticoats without having to buy anything except maybe elastic.

Comments

[mala_14]

*hugs* Insecurity is hard. Looking forward to seeing your new blog post! And hoping for all the good job things for you!

[chocolatepot]

Thanks! Ughhh, what a week.

I hope you will like it! I think it's interesting, and it lets me go on about the early part of the century, which I love.

[mala_14]

I've been reading a lot of Walter Scott in the past couple of months and it has really peaked my interest in the earlier decades of the 18th century. It's a period that not a lot of costumers do, but there are some really neat things going on!

[chocolatepot]

It's really interesting! I've liked it in a kind of off-hand way for a long time (because it's novel, when everyone's doing late period), but when I got really into the nitty-gritty of 1700-1739 for my book sample I found a lot to be fascinated with. Unfortunately, JA doesn't really cover it and Waugh's patterns from then are mostly court dress ... it's figure-out-able, but kind of annoying.

[glittersweet]

Costuming is a very confronting "hobby" or career. Not only are we often confronted about what we think looks good (personal aesthetics) as well as has hard and fast rules (what was ideal and what was actually achieved in the past/present).. but it also confronts our sense of self as we literally wear our work on ourselves. And we look at other people's work on their bodies.

It's very easy to make ourselves or other feel bad by accident. We are literally wrapped up in our work!

I'm currently trying to phrase why I have come to a different conclusion to a lot of people in an area of costuming I need to be able to translate, for one, and have lost all my online thoughts due to website hacking or locking down my livejournal. It's frustrating and I do know I have been brusque or appear to be. And I have over a decade of those notes, so it's not like these ideas came from nowhere!

So TLDR; it's understandable and you are totally within your rights to take down a post that reflects a passing moment vs a permanent state of mind.